To be or not to be...a Mom

Warning: This is not a feminist post. We are simply referring to a woman’s right to not have children on the basis of societal change and acceptability. Oh shoot! Maybe this is a feminist post. Oh well! Don’t get your panties in a knot! 

The lifelong question. Should I have children? There was a time when women didn’t have the possibility to even ask themselves that question. Why would they? They were only meant to carry children and perform household chores. Thankfully, most people realized that women are not defined solely by their capacity to reproduce (I say “most” because we all know someone who knows someone who still thinks that we’re in the 1920s). We have a choice! The question is: How do you handle that choice? 

Karine’s thoughts

Too many people don’t ask themselves that question often enough. Once those babies come popping out, there’s no going back. Trust me. I tried. Seriously, I love my kids. When teachers and parents asked me what I wanted to become when I grow up, my answer was always the same, “I want to be a mom!”. There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted kids and lots of them. Now that I have three, I realize I didn’t think it through. Did you know that these things grow up and talk back? It’s so annoying! Nevertheless, I can’t imagine my life without them. As much as I joke about driving out to the country and abandoning them on a farm, I really do love these little critters…and they keep finding their way back home. I’m not a perfect mom but I do my best to support, love and help my kids reach their full potential. Unfortunately, too many kids don’t have that opportunity. Too many kids are born from parents who didn’t ask themselves that question. To be or not to be…am I capable of being a good parent? Am I having kids for the right reasons? If you can’t answer yes to those simple questions, maybe you should think twice. Kids won’t make your life easier and they sure as hell won’t save your marriage.

All that being said, some people ask themselves too many questions. If you need to start searching google on “how to be a good mother”, there’s a problem. I mean, you’ll find multiple articles providing you with basic advice on how to become a parent: Love your kids, act approachable, spend time with them…really? Doesn’t that go without saying? If anyone out there needs to be told to act approachable with their children, maybe you should think twice about having kids. Unless, of course, your goal is to raise a socially awkward adult who will spend the rest of their life in therapy wondering why they’re unable to develop a loving relationship. By all means. Go ahead! Who am I to judge?

Guik’s thoughts

I’ve asked myself that question over and over again. I believe I went through all the stages that you could possibly think of: I want kids, I don’t want kids, I’m not ready, I think I should adopt, I prefer travelling the world, I don’t want my body to change, I want a boy and a girl, one will be more than enough, what if I have twins, I could get a full year on maternity leave, what will I do for a whole year, maybe I’m just not ready…I went full circle. While I was in my previous relationship, my parents brought up the subject every chance they had. Even my doctor took part in it during the last 5 years: “so when are you going to have kids?”. Ah! So much pressure!

Here I am, a 37-year-old woman without kids. Well, that’s not totally true. I dated someone for 10 years and he had 2 kids: a girl and a boy. They were a big part of my life and still are. I shared everything I had with them and treated them as if they were my own. Until this day, we still text, facetime and even get together. I will be totally honest, a big part of me is being selfish when I reflect on this question. I don’t want my body to change. I don’t want to get up every 2 hours to feed the baby and be tired all the time. I want to be able to travel the world, go out on a Friday night… and Saturday, Sunday, Monday nights. You get it! Most of my friends have kids. I see them rushing home to pick them up, make dinner, do homework, plan activities and so on. Am I willing to do that? Would I be happy leaving my freedom behind for kids? Ultimately, I wouldn’t want to grow old and not being able to share those special moments you only get with your family, kids and grandkids. For some, a woman questioning her reasons behind the idea of having kids is scandalous. Hey! Welcome to 2019 folks. With the right person, a child shouldn’t be seen as a sacrifice but rather a choice. 

Canada's thoughts

In Canada, women have the possibility of deciding whether or not they want children. You have to admit, it’s a bit of a “first world” problem. In most third-world countries, women don’t even have access to any type of birth control. In fact, birth control only became legal in Canada in 1969. So perhaps 50 years later, some people still haven’t adjusted to the idea that we are allowed to choose! Women are not defined by the amount of kids that come popping out of them. Their self-worth is not based on their ability to become a parent. Rather, they can decide to be whatever they want. Mom or not, Politician, Cop, Housewife of Beverley Hills.…bring it on! 

Karine & Guik

😘💕